Percy Jackson Quotes or Related Stuff
by liveloveandlaughs
Summary: This is just quotes from most of the books that I can find so far, for those that wanna just read through to refresh their memories on the funny bits. The related stuff is all the funny PJO/HoO related stuff that I compile together to make it easier to read. Hope y'all like it:)
1. Chapter 1

Percy Jackson quotes

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><p>You're cute when you're worried, your eyebrows get all scrunched together."<p>

~Annabeth Chase, The Last Olympian

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"

~Grover Underwood

"With great power comes the great need to take a nap."

~Nico di Angelo, The last Olympian

I will never, ever make anything easy for you, Seaweed Brain. Get used to it."

~Annabeth Chase, The Last Olympian

Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades.

~The Titan's curse

"Apollo?" I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.

He put his finger to his lips. "I'm incognito. Call me Fred."

"A god named Fred?"

~The Titan's curse

"Can you surf really well, then?" I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh. "Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)

~The Titan's curse

God alert! Blackjack yelled. It's the wine dude!

~The Titan's curse

It seemed weird calling a teenager 'sir' but I'd learned to be careful with immortals. They tended to get offended easily. Then, they blew stuff up.

~The Titan's curse

"Wow," Thalia muttered. "Apollo is hot."

"He's the sun god," I said

"That's not what I meant."

~The Titan's curse

I don't recommend shadow travel if you're scared of:

a) The dark

b) Cold shivers up your spine

c) Strange noises

d) Going so fast you feel like your face is peeling off

In other words, I thought it was awesome.

~The Last Olympian

I jumped out of the cart, yelled, "CLASS DISMISSED!" and ran for the exit.

~The Battle of the Labyrinth

I've met plenty of embarrassing parents, but Kronos, the evil Titan Lord who wanted to destroy Western Civilization? Not the kind of dad you invited to

school for Career Day."

~The Sea of Monsters

"You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."

~The Battle of the Labyrinth

Yay! Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!"

~Tyson, The Battle of the Labyrinth

Jumping out a window five hundred feet above ground is not usually my idea of fun. Especially when I'm wearing bronze wings and flapping my arms like a duck.

~The Battle of the Labyrinth

"Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."  
>Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"<br>Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"  
>"Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."<br>Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."...I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."  
>"I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.<br>"And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt."

~The Titan's curse

Jason scratched his head. "You named him Festus? You know that in Latin, 'festus' means 'happy'? You want us to ride off to save the world on Happy the Dragon?"

~The Lost Hero

"Can we just call them storm spirits?" Leo asked. "Venti makes them sound like evil espresso drinks."

~The Lost Hero

I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'" Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!"

~The Lost Hero

Zeus looked like a really buff, really angry hippie.

~The Lost Hero

Piper gripped his hand and followed him, "If I fall, you're catching me." "Uh, sure." Jason hoped he wasn't blushing.

Leo stepped out next. "You're catching me, too, Superman. But I ain't holding your hand."

~The Lost Hero

Vulcan?" Leo demanded. "I don't even LIKE Star Trek!"

~The Lost Hero

"What's Cabin Nine?" Leo asked. "And I'm not a Vulcan!"

"Come on, Mr. Spock, I'll explain everything."

~The Lost Hero

Which meant his only assets were one whiny imprisoned goddess, one sort-of-girlfriend with a dagger, and Leo, who apparently thought he could defeat the armies of darkness with breath mints."

~The Lost Hero

'Is that me?,' Leo said. 'Like me-having this dream-looking at me having a dream?"

~The Lost Hero

"I'm almost out of gas! Woah, that came out wrong. I meant the burning kind!" ~The Lost Hero

No, no," Leo said. "Rainbows. Very macho."

~The Lost Hero

Um...is that thing tame?" Frank said.

The horse whinnied angrily.

"I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'."

~The Son of Neptune

"Now, come over here so I can pat you down."

"But you don't have-" Percy stopped. "Uh, sure."

He stood next to the armless statue. Terminus conducted a rigorous mental pat down.

"You seem to be clean," Terminus decided. "Do you have anything to declare?"

"Yes," Percy said. "I declare that this is stupid."

~The Son of Neptune

"Two hundred Romans, and no one's got a pen? Never mind!"

He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the hand grenade morphed into a ballpoint pen, and Mars began to write.

Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form?

Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up."

~The son of Neptune

Annabeth's face, her blond hair and gray eyes, the way she laughed, threw her arms around him, and gave him a kiss whenever he did something stupid.

She must have kissed me a lot, Percy thought."

~The Son of Neptune

The giant raised his trident and net. "I am Polybotes! Kneel before me so I may destroy you quickly."

Apparently, no one in the store was impressed. A tiny dark object came sailing out the window and landed at the giant's feet. Polybotes yelled, "Grenade!"

He covered his face. His troops hit the ground.

When the thing did not explode, Polybotes bent down cautiously and picked it up.

He roared in outrage. "A Ding Dong? You dare insult me with a Ding Dong?"

~The Son of Neptune

Hazel squinted. "How far?"

"Just over the river and through the woods."

Percy raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? To Grandmother's house we go?"

Frank cleared his throat. "Yeah, anyway."

~The Son of Neptune

Yeah," Percy said. "He slaughtered my panda."

~The Son of Neptune

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tyson pounding the Earthborn into the ground like a game of whack-a-mole. Ella was fluttering above him, dodging missiles and calling out advice: "The groin. The Earthborn's groin is sensitive."

SMASH!

"Good. Yes. Tyson found its groin."

~The Son of Neptune

I'm fine!" Percy yelled out as he ran by, followed by a giant screaming bloody murder."

~The Son of Neptune

All roads lead there child. You should know that."

Percy: "Detention?"

~The Son of Neptune

Great," Percy said. "I always wanted to be glue."

~The Son of Neptune

Since Percy'd lost his memory,his whole life was one big fill-in-the-blank. He was, from_. He felt like_, and if the monsters

caught him, he'd be_."

~The Son of Neptune

"Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!"

~The Son of Neptune

"That's what happens to snow in Texas, lady. It- freaking- melts."

~Leo Valdez, The Lost Hero

"Percy looked so at ease, so happy. He wore a purple cape like Jason's- the mark of a praetor. Annabeth's heart did a gymnastics routine."

~Annabeth Chase, The Mark of Athena

She was beautiful in combat. I know that's a crazy thing to say, especially after we'd just climbed a sewage waterfall, but her gray eyes sparkled when she was fighting for her life. Her face shone like a goddesses', and believe me, I've seen goddesses. The way her Camp Half-Blood beads rested against her throat- Okay, sorry. Got a little distracted."

~Percy Jackson, The Demigod Diaries

"He turned to Frank who was trying to pull his fingers out of the Chinese handcuffs…

"Okay," Frank relented. "Sure." He frowned at his fingers, trying to pull them out of the trap. "Uh, how do you—"

Leo chuckled. "Man, you've never seen those before? There's a simple trick to getting out."

Frank tugged again with no luck. Even Hazel was trying not to laugh.

Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he'd been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.

"Well done, Frank Zhang," Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. "That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas."

~The Mark of Athena

"Gods of Olympus." Piper stared at Leo. "What happened to you?"

His hair was greased back. He had welding goggles on his forehead, a lipstick mark on his cheek, tattoos all over his arms, and a T-shirt that read HOT STUFF, BAD BOY, and TEAM LEO.

"Long story," he said."

~The Mark of Athena

"Grover was sniffing the wind, looking nervous. He fished out his acorns and threw them into the sand, then played his pipes. They rearranged themselves in a pattern that made no sense to me, but Grover looked concerned.

"That's us," he said. "Those five nuts right there."

"Which one is me?" I asked.

"The little deformed one," Zoe suggested.

"Oh, shut up."

~The Titan's Curse

"The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important."

"It was probably important to her."

~The Sea of Monsters

"What if it lines up like it did in the Trojan War ... Athena versus Poseidon?"

"I don't know. But I just know that I'll be fighting next to you."

"Why?"

"Because you're my friend, Seaweed Brain. Any more stupid questions?"

~The Lightning Thief

Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment,as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?

~The Lightning Thief

Afterward, I had the last laugh. I made an air bubble at the bottom of the lake. Our friends kept waiting for us to come up, but hey-when you are the son of Poseidon, you don't have to hurry. And it was pretty much the best underwater kiss of all time.

~The Last Olympian

"Monkey bars," Annabeth said. "I'm great at these." She leaped onto to the first rung and start swinging her way across. She was scared of tiny spiders, but not of plummeting to her death from a set of monkey bars. Go figure.

~The Battle of the Labyrinth

"It's him," I said. "Typhon."

I was seriously hoping Chiron would say something good, like No, that's our huge friend Leroy! He's going to help us!

~The Last Olympian

The throne rumbled. A wave of gale-force anger slammed into me.

WHO DARES-

The voice stopped abruptly, The anger retreated, which was a good thing, because just those two words had almost blasted my mind to shreds.

Percy. My fathers voice was still angry but more controlled. What-exactly-are you doing on my throne?

"I'm sorry, Father," I said. "I needed to get your attention."

This was a very dangerous thing to do. Even for you. If I hadn't looked before I blasted, you would now be a puddle of seawater.

~The Last Olympian

"My mother made a squeaking sound that might of been either "yes" or "help".

Poseidon took it as a yes and came in.

Paul was looking back and forth between us, trying to read our expressions.

Finally he stepped forward.

"Hi, I'm Paul Blofis."

Poseidon raised an eyebrow and then shook his hand.

"Blowfish, did you say?"

"Ah, no. Blofis, actually."

"Oh, I see," Poseidon said. "A shame. I quite like blowfish. I am Poseidon."

"Poseidon? That's an interesting name."

"Yes, I like it. I've gone by other names, but I do prefer Poseidon."

"Like the god of the sea."

"Very much like that, yes"

"Well!" My mother interrupted. "Um, were so glad you could drop by. Paul, this is Percy's father."

"Ah." Paul nodded, though he didn't look real pleased. "I see."

Poseidon smiled at me. "There you are, my boy. And Tyson, hello, son!"

"Daddy!" Tyson shouted.

Paul's jaw dropped. He stared at my mother. "Tyson is..."

"Not mine," she promised. "It's a long story."

~The Battle of the Labyrinth

The main courtyard was filled with warriors - mermen with fish tails from the waist down and human bodies from the waist up, except their skin was blue, which I'd never known were tending the wounded. Some were sharpening spears and swords. One passed us, swimming in a hurry. His eyes were bright green, like that stuff they put in glo-sticks, and his teeth were shark teeth. They don't show you stuff like that in "The Little Mermaid."

~The Last Olympian

She sighed. "How many reasons do you want? One time my mom caught Poseidon with his girlfriend in Athena's temple, which is hugely disrespectful. Another time, Athena and Poseidon competed to be the patron god for the city of Athens. Your dad created some stupid saltwater spring for his gift. My mom created the olive tree. The people saw that her gift was better, so they named the city after her." "They must really like olives." "Oh, forget it." "Now, if she'd invented pizza-that I could understand."

~The Lightning Thief

Things Learned From Percy Jackson

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><p>1. When in doubt, find the dam snack bar-<p>

~The Titans Curse

2. With great power comes a great need to take a nap-

~The Last Olympian

3. Paradises are places that can get you killed-

~The Battle of the Labyrinth

4. Gods get offended easily. Then they blow stuff up.

~The Titans Curse

5. You can fight monsters, see Annabeth, and make things go BOOM at the same time.

~The Battle of the Labyrinth

6. You can't fix a person like a machine.

~The Battle of the Labyrinth

7. Monster will vaporize when sliced by a celestial bronze sword.

~The Battle of the Labyrinth

8. Avoid poisonus swords or you'll die, after you shrivel slowly to dust

~The Battle of the Labyrinth

9. Anything is possible: including blue food and that Percy can pass seventh grade

~The Sea of Monsters

10. People, and horses, who call Mr. D. the wine dud end up in a bottle of Merlot.

~The Titans Curse

11. Three kids can drown in a really big bath.-

~The Lightning Thief

12. Everything strange washes up in Miami

~The Sea of Monsters

13. You can't enjoy practical jokes when you feel like one.

~The Last Olympian

14. Just say hello to the poodle.

~The Lightning Thief

15. When you need Tantalus to go away, tell him to chase a donut.

~The Sea of Monsters

16. Even heroes drool in their sleep

~The Lightning Thief

17. When things seem bad enough, they usually breathe fire.

~The Sea of Monsters

18. When barnyard animals don't want to kill you, they want food.

~The Lightning Thief

19. Don't blow your nose when someone near you is running from skeletons.

~The Titans Curse

20. Don't beat a god in a video game- he might want your soul.

~The Last Olympian


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys I haven't read Blood of Olympus yet but those below are some that I've found. If you have any memorable ones that you want to put in then leave a review! I'll add it in the next chappie. Until then, enjoy! :)**

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><p>Hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing.<p>

~ The Demigod Diaries

"It'll be dangerous," Nyssa warned him. "Hardship, monsters, terrible suffering. Possibly none of you will come back alive."

"Oh." Suddenly Leo didn't look so excited. Then he remembered everyone was watching. "I mean... Oh, cool! Suffering? I love suffering! Let's do this."

~ The Lost Hero

Leo: "I can't believe I thought you were hot."

Khione's face turned red. "Hot? You dare insult me? I am cold, Leo Valdez. Very, very cold."

~ The Lost Hero

Jason muttered "And I saw something...Really terrible."

"That was Hera," Thalia grumbled, "Her Majesty, the Loose Cannon."

"That's it, Thalia Grace," Said the goddess. "I will turn you into an aardvark, so help me-"

"Stop it, you two," Piper said. Amazingly, they both shut up.

~ The Lost Hero

All of them had been give a makeover. Leo was wearing pinstriped pants, black leather shoes, a white collarless shirt with suspenders, and his tool belt, Ray-Ban sunglasses, and a porkpie hat.

"God, Leo." Piper tried not to laugh. "I think my dad wore that to his last premiere, minus the tool belt."

"Hey, shut up!"

"I think he looks good," said Coach Hedge. "'Course, I look better."

The satyr was a pastel nightmare. Aphrodite had given him a baggy canary yellow zoot suit with two-tone shoes that fit over his hooves. He had a matching yellow broad-brimmed hat, a rose-colored shirt, a baby blue tie, and a blue carnation in his lapel, which Hedge sniffed and then ate.

"Well," Jason said, "at least your mom overlooked me."

Piper knew that wasn't exactly true. Looking at him, her heart did a little tap dance. Jason was dressed simply in jeans and a clean purple T-shirt, like he'd worn at the Grand Canyon. He had new track shoes on, and his hair was newly trimmed. His eyes were the same color as the sky. Aphrodite's message was clear: _This one needs no improvement._

And Piper agreed.

~ The Lost Hero

He managed to swivel sideways to avoid breaking his legs on impact. The snack platter skittered across the roof and sailed through the air. The platter went one way. Percy went the other.

As he fell toward the highway, a horrible scenario flashed through his mind: his body smashing against an SUV's windshield, some annoyed commuter trying to push him off with the wipers.

Stupid sixteen-year-old kid falling from the sky! I'm late!

~ The Son of Neptune

"Hey!" said the guy in the video. "Greetings from your friends at Camp Half-Blood, et cetera. This is Leo. I'm the..." He looked off screen and yelled: "What's my title? Am I like admiral, or captain, or-"

A girl's voice yelled back, "Repair boy."

"Very funny, Piper," Leo grumbled. He turned back to the parchment screen. "So yeah, I'm...ah..supreme commander of the Argo II. Yeah, I like that! Anyway, we're gonna be sailing towards you in about, I dunno, an hour in this big mother warship. We'd appreciate it if you'd not, like, blow us out of the sky or anything. So okay! If you could tell the Romans that. See you soon. Yours in demigodishness, and all that. Peace out!"

~ The Son of Neptune

Kinzie smiled smugly. "You admire our base of operations? Yes, our distribution system is worldwide. It took many years and most of our fortune to build. Now, finally, we're turning a profit. The mortals don't realize they are funding the Amazon kingdom. Soon, we'll be richer than any mortal nation. Then—when the weak mortals depend on us for everything—the revolution will begin!"

"What are you going to do?" Frank grumbled. "Cancel free shipping?"

~ The Son of Neptune

"I can't believe how much this place has grown," Hazel muttered.

The taxi driver grinned in the rearview mirror. "Been a long time since you visited, miss?"

"About seventy years," Hazel said.

The driver slid the glass partition closed and drove on in silence.

~ The Son of Neptune

Reyna looked at Percy without much hope. "You do have a plan?"

Percy wanted to step forward bravely and say, No, I don't!

~ The Son of Neptune

"Tyson, Frank is a descendant of Poseidon."

"Brother!" Tyson crushed Frank in a hug.

Percy stifled a laugh. "Actually he's more like a great-great-...Oh, never mind. Yeah, he's your brother."

~ The Son of Neptune

Part of their problem was Percy. He fought like a demon, whirling through the defender's ranks in a completely unorthodox style, rolling under their feet, slashing with his sword instead of stabbing like a Roman would, whacking campers with the flat of his blade, and generally causing mass panic.

~ The Son of Neptune

At the end of the warehouse was a dais constructed from pallets of books: stack of vampire novels, walls of James Patterson thrillers, and a throne from about a thousand copies of something called The Five Habits of Highly Aggressive Women."

~ The Son of Neptune

Tyson looked him over with that massive baby-brown eye. "You are not dead. I like it when you are not dead."

Ella fluttered to the ground and began preening her feathers. "Ella found a dog," she announced. "A large dog. And a Cyclops." Was she blushing?

Before Percy could decide, his black mastiff pounced on him, knocking Percy to the ground and barking so loudly that even Arion backed up. "Hey, Mrs. O'Leary," Percy said. "Yeah, I love you, too, girl. Good dog."

Hazel squeaked. "You have a hellhound named Mrs. O'Leary?"

"Long story."

~ The Son of Neptune

"What? You run? Coward! Stand still and die!"

Percy had no intention of doing that.

~ The Son of Neptune

Would Grandmother scold him? Would she say, "Frank! Thank the gods, you've come. I'm surrounded by monsters."

More likely she'd scold him, or mistake them for intruders and chase them off with a frying pan."

~ The Son of Neptune

At the front window was something that looked like a machine gun with a cluster of barrels. "Rocket launcher?" he wondered aloud.

"Nope, nope! Potatoes. Ella doesn't like potatoes."

"Ella! Where are the others?"

"Roof. Ogre-watching. Ella doesn't like ogres. Potatoes."

Potatoes? Frank didn't understand until he swiveled the machine gun around. Its eight barrels were loaded with spuds. At the base of the gun, a basket was filled with more edible ammunition…

"They have cannonballs," Frank said, "and we have a potato gun."

"Starch," Ella said thoughtfully. "Starch is bad for ogres."

~ The Son of Neptune

"Why would Roman gods want to date Chinese Canadians?"

~ The Son of Neptune

Annabeth gripped the hilt of her dagger. "A bounty on our heads . . . as if we didn't attract enough monsters already."

"Do we get WANTED posters?" Leo asked. "And do they have our bounties, like, broken down on a price list?"

Hazel wrinkled her nose. "What are you talking about?"

"Just wondering how much I'm going for these days," Leo said. "I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe . . . but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?"

~ The Mark of Athena

Piper rushed to get dressed. By the time she got up on deck, the others had already gathered—all hastily dressed except for Coach Hedge, who had pulled the night watch.

Frank's Vancouver Winter Olympics shirt was inside out. Percy wore pajama pants and a bronze breastplate, which was an interesting fashion statement. Hazel's hair was all blown to one side as though she'd walked through a cyclone; and Leo had accidentally set himself on fire. His T-shirt was in charred tatters. His arms were smoking.

~ The Mark of Athena

"Festus just detected a large group of eagles behind us—long-range radar, still not in sight."

Piper leaned over the console. "Are you sure they're Roman?"

Leo rolled his eyes. "No, Pipes. It could be a random group of giant eagles flying in perfect formation. Of course they're Roman!"

~ The Mark of Athena

Percy blinked. "So your brother is a winged horse. But you're also my half brother, which means all the flying horses in the world are my…You know what? Lets' forget it."

~ The Mark of Athena

Piper and Hazel were ready to go, but first Annabeth turned to Percy, who was leaning on the starboard rail, gazing over the bay.

Annabeth took his hand. "What are you going to do while we're gone?"

"Jump in the harbor," he said casually, like another kid might say, _I'm going to get a snack_.

~ The Mark of Athena

"This is Buford," Leo announced.

"You name your furniture?" Frank asked.

~ The Mark of Athena

Percy and Hedge lay on the deck, looking exhausted. Hedge was missing his shoes. He grinned at the sky, muttering, "Awesome. Awesome." Percy was covered in nicks and scratches, like he'd jumped through a window. He didn't say anything but he grasped Annabeth's hand weakly as if to say, Be right with you as soon as the world stops spinning.

Leo, Piper, and Jason, who'd been eating in the mess hall, came rushing up the stairs.

"What? What?" Leo cried, holding a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich. "Can't a guy even take a lunch break? What's wrong?"

"Followed!" Frank yelled again.

"Followed by what? Jason asked.

"I don't know!" Frank panted. "Whales? Sea monsters? Maybe Kate and Porky!"

Annabeth wanted to strangle the guy, but she wasn't sure her hands would fit around his thick neck. "That makes absolutely no sense."

~ The Mark of Athena

"Did someone just call me the wine dude?" he asked in a lazy drawl. "It's Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don't-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus."

~ The Mark of Athena

"I'm nobody's sidekick," Annabeth growled. "And, Percy, his accent sounds familiar because he sounds like his mother. We killed her in New Jersey."

Percy frowned. "I'm pretty sure that accent isn't New Jersey. Who's his—? Oh."

It all fell into place. Aunty Em's Garden Gnome Emporium—the lair of Medusa. She'd talked with that same accent, at least until Percy had cut off her head.

"Medusa is your mom?" he asked. "Dude, that sucks for you."

~ The Mark of Athena

He'd learned years ago it was better not to dwell too much on who was related to whom on the godly side of things. After Tyson the Cyclops adopted him as a brother, Percy decided that that was about as far as he wanted to extend the family."

~ The Mark of Athena

Percy was getting tired of water.

If he said that aloud, he would probably get kicked out of Poseidon's Junior Sea Scouts, but he didn't care.

~ The Mark of Athena

"We still should have enough time to reach Rome."

Hazel scowled. "When you say should have enough…"

Leo shrugged. "How do you feel about barely enough?"

Hazel put her face in her hands for a count of three. "Sounds about typical for us."

~ The Mark of Athena

"Percy looked at Coach Hedge and Frank. "A trap?"

"Probably," Frank said.

"She's not mortal," Hedge said, sniffing the air. "Probably some kind of goat-eating, demigod-destroying fiend from Tartarus."

"No doubt," Percy agreed.

"Awesome." Hedge grinned. "Let's go."

~ The Mark of Athena

Looking at the elementary schoolers in their colorful T-shirts from various day camps, Percy felt a twinge of sadness. He should be at Camp Half-Blood right now, settling into his cabin for the summer, teaching sword-fighting lessons in the arena, playing pranks on the other counselors. These kids had no idea just how crazy a summer camp could be.

~ The Mark of Athena

"What exactly did you find in Atlanta?"

Frank unzipped his backpack and started bringing out souvenirs. "Some peach preserves. A couple of T-shirts. A snow globe. And, um, these not-really-Chinese handcuffs."

Annabeth forced herself to stay calm. "How about you start from the top—of the story, not the backpack."

~ The Mark of Athena

"Anybody have any money?"

Frank checked his pockets. "Three denarii from Camp Jupiter. Five dollars Canadian."

Hedge patted his gym shorts and pulled out what he found. "Three quarters, two dimes, a rubber band and—score! A piece of celery."

He started munching on the celery, eyeing the change and the rubber band like they might be next.

~ The Mark of Athena

"If we can't repair things with the Romans—well, the two sets of demigods have never gotten along. That's why the gods kept us separate. I don't know if we could ever belong there."

Percy didn't want to argue, but he couldn't let go of the hope. It felt important—not just for him, but for all the other demigods. It had to be possible to belong in two different worlds at once. After all, that's what being a demigod was all about—not quite belonging in the mortal world or on Mount Olympus, but trying to make peace with both sides of their nature.

~ The Mark of Athena

"What in the world are you thinking?" She sounded pretty flustered.

"I try not to think," Leo admitted. "It interferes with being nuts. Just concentrate on moving that Celestial bronze. Echo, you ready?"

"Ready," she said.

Leo took a deep breath. He strutted back toward the pond, hoping he looked awesome and not like he had some sort of nervous affliction. "Leo is the coolest!" he shouted.

"Leo is the coolest!" Echo shouted back.

"Yeah, baby, check me out!"

"Check me out!" Echo said.

~ The Mark of Athena

"Scrawny?" Leo asked. "Baby, I invented scrawny. Scrawny is the new sizzling hot. And I GOT the scrawny."

~ The Mark of Athena

"You sure you're real?" he asked. "I mean…flesh and blood?"

"Flesh and blood." She touched Leo's face and made him flinch. Her fingers were warm.

"So…you have to repeat everything?" he asked.

"Everything."

Leo couldn't help smiling. "That could be fun."

"Fun," she said unhappily.

"Blue elephants."

"Blue elephants."

"Kiss me, you fool."

"You fool."

"Hey!"

"Hey!"

"Leo," Hazel pleaded, "don't tease her."

"Don't tease her," Echo agreed.

~ The Mark of Athena

"It's okay," he said. "We're together." He didn't say you're okay, or we're alive. After all they'd been through over the last year, he knew that the most important thing was that they were together. She loved him for saying that.

~ The Mark of Athena

"This is Annabeth," Jason said. "Uh, normally she doesn't judo-flip people.

~ The Mark of Athena

"I could have killed you."

"Or I could have killed you," Percy said.

Jason shrugged. "If there'd been an ocean in Kansas, maybe."

"I don't need an ocean—"

"Boys," Annabeth interrupted, "I'm sure you both would've been wonderful at killing each other. But right now, you need some rest."

Food first," Percy said. "Please?"

~ The Mark of Athena

"Blackjack," Percy said, "this is Piper and Jason. They're friends."

The horse nickered.

"Uh, maybe later," Percy answered.

Piper had heard that Percy could speak to horses, being the son of the horse lord Poseidon, but she'd never seen it in action.

"What does Blackjack want?" she asked.

"Donuts," Percy said. "Always donuts."

~ The Mark of Athena

"You sneaked into my cabin?"

Annabeth rolled her eyes. "Percy, you'll be seventeen in two months. You can't seriously be worried about getting in trouble with Coach Hedge."

"Uh, have you seen his baseball bat?"

"Besides, Seaweed Brain, I just thought we could take a walk. We haven't had any time to be together alone. I want to show you something—my favorite place aboard the ship."

Percy's pulse was still in overdrive, but it wasn't from fear of getting in trouble. "Can I, you know, brush my teeth first?"

"You'd better," Annabeth said. "Because I'm not kissing you until you do. And brush your hair while you're at it."

~ The Mark of Athena

The first lesson every child of Athena learned: Mom was the best at everything, and you should never, ever suggest otherwise.

~ The Mark of Athena

"Save yourselves!" Percy warned. "It is too late for us!"

Then he gasped and pointed to the spot where Frank was hiding. "Oh, no! Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin!"

Nothing happened.

"I said," Percy repeated, "Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin!"

Frank stumbled out of nowhere, making a big show of grabbing his throat. "Oh, no," he said, like he was reading from a teleprompter. "I am turning into a crazy dolphin."

He began to change, his nose elongating into a snout, his skin becoming sleek and gray. He fell to the deck as a dolphin, his tail thumping against the boards.

The pirate crew disbanded in terror.

~ The Mark of Athena

"I still don't understand what a sea god would be doing in Atlanta."

Leo snorted. "What's a wine god doing in Kansas? Gods are weird."

~ The Mark of Athena

Leo drummed his fingers. "Great. I should have installed a smoke screen that makes the ship smell like a giant chicken nugget. Remind me to invent that, next time."

Hazel frowned. "What is a chicken nugget?"

"Oh, man…" Leo shook his head in amazement. "That's right. You've missed the last, like, seventy years. Well, my apprentice, a chicken nugget—"

"Doesn't matter," Annabeth interrupted.

~ The Mark of Athena

Naturally, Coach Hedge went ballistic; but Percy found it hard to take the satyr seriously since he was barely five feet tall.

"Never in my life!" Coach bellowed, waving his bat and knocking over a plate of apples. "Against the rules! Irresponsible!"

"Coach," Annabeth said, "it was an accident. We were talking, and we fell asleep."

"Besides," Percy said, "you're starting to sound like Terminus."

Hedge narrowed his eyes. "Is that an insult, Jackson? 'Cause I'll—I'll terminus you, buddy!"

~ The Mark of Athena

Once the others were below, Hazel and Leo faced each other awkwardly. They were alone except for Coach Hedge, who was back on the quarterdeck singing the Pokémon theme song. The coach had changed the words to: Gotta Kill 'Em All, and Leo really didn't want to know why.

~ The Mark of Athena

"Percy says he talked to a Nereid in Charleston Harbor!"

"Good for him!" Leo yelled back.

"The Nereid said we should seek help from Chiron's brothers."

"What does that mean? The Party Ponies?" Leo had never met Chiron's crazy centaur relatives, but he'd heard rumors of Nerf sword-fights, root beer-chugging contests, and Super Soakers filled with pressurized whipped cream.

"Not sure," Annabeth said. "But I've got coordinates. Can you input latitude and longitude in this thing?"

"I can input star charts and order you a smoothie, if you want. Of course I can do latitude and longitude!"

~ The Mark of Athena

Coach Hedge yelled,"Thar she blows! Kansas, ahoy!"

"Holy Hephaestus," Leo muttered. "He really needs to work on his shipspeak."

~ The Mark of Athena

She led him past the engine room, which looked like a very dangerous, mechanized jungle gym, with pipes and pistons and tubes jutting from a central bronze sphere. Cables resembling giant metal noodles snaked across the floor and ran up the walls.

"How does that thing even work?" Percy asked.

"No idea," Annabeth said. "And I'm the only one besides Leo who can operate it."

"That's reassuring."

"It should be fine. It's only threatened to blow up once."

"You're kidding, I hope."

She smiled. "Come on."

~ The Mark of Athena

"Percy?" Annabeth gripped his arm.

"Oh, bad," he muttered. "Bad. Bad." He looked across the table at Frank and Hazel. "You guys remember Polybotes?"

"The giant who invaded Camp Jupiter," Hazel said. "The anti-Poseidon you whacked in the head with a Terminus statue. Yes, I think I remember."

~ The Mark of Athena

"Aphrodite," Annabeth said.

"Venus?" Hazel asked in amazement.

"Mom," Piper said with no enthusiasm.

"Girls!" The goddess spread her arms like she wanted a group hug.

The three demigods did not oblige. Hazel backed into a palmetto tree.

~ The Mark of Athena

"Hmm…" Jason snapped his fingers. "I can call a friend for a ride."

Percy raised his eyebrows. "Oh, yeah? Me too. Let's see whose friend gets here first.

~ The Mark of Athena

The meeting was like a war council with donuts. Then again, back at Camp Half-Blood they used to have their most serious discussions around the Ping-Pong table in the rec room with crackers and Cheez Whiz, so Percy felt right at home.

~ The Mark of Athena

All around the Romans, Charleston Harbor erupted like a Las Vegas fountain putting on a show. When the wall of seawater subsided, the three Romans were in the bay, spluttering and frantically trying to stay afloat in their armor. Percy stood on the dock, holding Annabeth's dagger.

"You dropped this," he said, totally poker-faced.

Annabeth threw her arms around him. "I love you!"

"Guys," Hazel interrupted. She had a little smile on her face. "We need to hurry."

Down in the water, Octavian yelled, "Get me out of here! I'll kill you!"

"Tempting," Percy called down.

~ The Mark of Athena

Forget the chicken-nugget smoke screen. Percy wanted Leo to invent an anti-dream hat.

~ The Mark of Athena

"Yay!" Tyson went around the couches and gave everyone a big hug—even Octavian, who didn't look thrilled about it.

~ The Mark of Athena

Piper had a new entry in her top-ten list of Times Piper Felt Useless.

Fighting Shrimpzilla with a dagger and a pretty voice? Not so effective.

~ The Mark of Athena

"Your lifeline…oh, the burning stick. Right." Leo resisted the urge to set his hand ablaze and yell: Bwah ha ha! The idea was sort of funny, but he wasn't that cruel.

~ The Mark of Athena

"Oh…bank vaults," Leo said. "Never thought about that."

~ The Mark of Athena

Aphros nodded, a glint of pride in his eyes. "We have trained all the famous mer-heroes! Name a famous mer-hero, and we have trained him or her!"

"Oh, sure," Leo said. "Like…um, the Little Mermaid?"

Aphros frowned. "Who? No! Like Triton, Glaucus, Weissmuller, and Bill!"

"Oh. "Leo had no idea who any of those people were. "You trained Bill? Impressive."

~ The Mark of Athena

"So…these Pillars of Hercules. Are they dangerous?"

Annabeth stayed focused on the cliffs. "For Greeks, the pillars marked the end of the known world. The Romans said the pillars were inscribed with a Latin warning—"

"_Non plus ultra_," Percy said.

Annabeth looked stunned. "Yeah. _Nothing Further Beyond_. How did you know?"

Percy pointed. "Because I'm looking at it."

~ The Mark of Athena

"Hazel!" he yelled. "That box! Open it!"

She hesitated, then saw the box he meant. Te label read WARNING. DO NOT OPEN.

"Open it!" Leo yelled again.

~ The Mark of Athena

Most helmsmen would've been satisfied with a pilot's wheel or a tiller. Leo had also installed a keyboard, monitor, aviation controls from a Learjet, a dubstep soundboard, and motion-control sensors from a Nintendo Wii. He could turn the ship by pulling on the throttle, fire weapons by sampling an album, or raise sails by shaking his Wii controllers really fast. Even by demigod standards, Leo was seriously ADHD.

~ The Mark of Athena

"You both passed out," Percy said. "I don't know why, but Ella told me not to worry about it. She said you were…sharing?"

"Sharing," Ella agreed. She crouched in the stern, preening her wing feathers with her teeth, which didn't look like a very effective form of personal hygiene. She spit out some red fluff. "Sharing is good. No more blackouts. Biggest American blackout, August 14, 2003. Hazel shared. No more blackouts."

Percy scratched his head. "Yeah…we've been having conversations like that all night. I still don't know what she's talking about."

~ The Mark of Athena

"_To my wonderful readers:_

_Sorry about that last cliff-hanger._

_Well, no, not really. HAHAHAHA._

_But seriously, I love you guys_."

― Rick Riordan, The House of Hades

Frank heard a laugh behind him. He glanced back and couldn't believe what he saw. Nico di Angelo was actually smiling.

"That's more like it," Nico said. "Let's turn this tide!"

~ The House of Hades

Nico drank from the chalice, then offered it to Jason. "You asked me about trust, and taking a risk? Well, here you go, son of Jupiter. How much do you trust me?"

Frank wasn't sure what Nico was talking about, but Jason didn't hesitate. He took the cup and drank.

~ The House of Hades

Nico drew his sword. His smile was even more unsettling than his scowl

"Underground," he said. "My favorite place."

Underground was not Jason's favorite place."

~ The House of Hades

"I don't feel that way anymore," Nico muttered. "I mean... I gave up on Percy. I was young and impressionable, and I- I don't..."

His voice cracked, and Jason could tell the guy was about to get teary-eyed. Whether Nico had really given up on Percy or not, Jason couldn't imagine what it had been like for Nico all those years, keeping a secret that would've been unthinkable to share in the 1940s, denying who he was, feeling completely alone- even more isolated than other demigods.

"Nico," he said gently, "I've seen a lot of brave things. But what you did? That was maybe the bravest."

~ The House of Hades

About five meters ahead, Nico was swinging his black sword with one hand, holding the scepter of Diocletian aloft with the other. He kept shouting orders at the legionnaires, but they paid him no attention.

Of course not, Frank thought. He's _Greek._

[...]

Jason's face was already beaded with sweat. He kept shouting in Latin: "Form ranks!" But the dead legionnaires wouldn't listen to him, either.

[...]

"Make way!" Frank shouted. To his surprise, the dead legionnaires parted for him. The closest ones turned and stared at him with blank eyes, as if waiting for further orders.

"Oh, great..." Frank mumbled.

~ The House of Hades

"It's mechanical," Leo said. "Maybe a doorway to the dwarfs' secret lair?"

"Ooooo!" shrieked a nearby voice. "Secret lair?"

"I want a secret lair!" yelled another voice from above.

"If we had a secret lair," said Red Fur, "I would want a firehouse pole."

"And a waterslide!" said Brown Fur, who was pulling random tools out of Leo's belt, tossing aside wrenches, hammers, and staple guns.

"Stop that!" Leo tried to grab the dwarf's feet, but he couldn't reach the top of the pedestal.

"Too short?" Brown Fur sympathized.

"You're calling me short?" Leo looked around for something to throw, but there was nothing but pigeons, and he doubted he could catch one. "Give me my belt, you stupid-"

"Now, now!" said Brown Fur. "We haven't even introduced ourselves. I'm Akmon, and my brother over there-"

"-is the handsome one!" The red-furred dwarf lifted his espresso. Judging from his dilated eyes and maniacal grin, he didn't need any more caffeine. "Passolos! Singer of songs! Drinker of coffee! Stealer of shiny stuff!"

~ The House of Hades

The giant raised his fist, and a voice cut through the dream.

"Leo!" Jason was shaking his shoulder. "Hey, man, why are you hugging Nike?"

Leo's eyes fluttered open. His arms were wrapped around the human-sized statue in Athena's hand. He must have been thrashing in his sleep. He clung to the victory goddess like he used to cling to his pillow when he had nightmares as a kid. (Man, that had been so embarrassing in the foster homes.)

He disentangled himself and sat up, rubbing his face.

"Nothing," he muttered. "we were just cuddling. Um, what's going on?"

~ The House of Hades

"Really? That would be a first. I'm the son of Hades, Jason. I might as well be covered in blood or sewage, the way people treat me. I don't belong anywhere. I'm not even from this century. But that's not enough to set me apart."

~ The House of Hades

Images flashed through his mind. He saw Nico and his sister on a snowy cliff in Maine, Percy Jackson protecting them from a manticore. Percy's sword gleamed in the dark. He'd been the first demigod Nico had ever seen in action.

Later, at Camp Half-Blood, Percy took Nico by the arm, promising to keep his sister Bianca safe. Nico believed him. Nico looked into his sea-green eyes and thought, _How can he possibly fail? This is a real hero. _He was Nico's favorite game, Mythomagic, brought to life.

Jason saw the moment when Percy returned and told Nico that Bianca was dead. Nico had screamed and called him a liar. He'd felt betrayed, but still... when the skeleton warriors attacked, he couldn't let them harm Percy. Nico had called on the earth to swallow them up, and then he'd run away- terrified of his own powers, and his own emotions.

~ The House of Hades

"Is this guy Love or Death?" Jason growled.

_Ask your friends_, Cupid said. _Frank, Hazel, and Percy met my counterpart, Thanatos. We are not so different. Except Death is sometimes kinder_."

~ The House of Hades

"_Love is on every side_, Cupid said. _And no one's side. Don't ask what Love can do for you._

"Great," Jason said. "Now he's spouting greeting card messages."

~ The House of Hades

"Nico, you can do this," Jason said. "It might be embarrassing, but it's for the scepter."

Nico didn't look convinced. In fact he looked like he was going to be sick. But he squared his shoulders and nodded. "You're right. I- I'm not afraid of a love god."

Favonius beamed. "Excellent! Would you like a snack before you go?"

~ The House of Hades

The plan had three phases: dangerous, really dangerous and insanely dangerous.

~ The House of Hades

"_Poor Nico di Angelo. _The god's voice was tinged with disappointment. _Do you know what you want, much less what I want? My beloved Psyche risked everything in the name of Love. It was the only way for her to atone for her lack of faith. And you- what have you risked in my name?_

"I've been to Tartarus and back," Nico snarled. "You don't scare me."

_I scare you very, very much. Face me. Be honest_."

~ The House of Hades

"Nothing?" Favonius cried. "The one you care for most... plunged into Tartarus, and you still will not allow the truth?"

Suddenly Jason felt like he was eavedropping.

_The one you care for most_.

~ The House of Hades

"Dude." Jason gave Percy a bear hug.

"Back from Tartarus!" Leo whooped. "That's my peeps!"

~ The House of Hades

"The rivalry ends here," Percy said. "I love you, Wise Girl."

~ The Blood of Olympus

"Always happens with men. They promise friendship. They promise to treat you as an equal. In the end, all they want is to possess you."

~ The Blood of Olympus

"People lie. Promises are broken."

~ The Blood of Olympus

"This was a few weeks ago," Annabeth said. "Percy told me a crazy story about meeting a boy our near Moriches Bay. Apparently this kid used hieroglyphs to cast spells. He helped Percy battle a crocodile monsters."

"The Son of Sobek!" Sadie blurted. "But my _brother_ battled that monster. He didn't say anything about-"

"Is your brother's name Carter?" Annabeth asked.

An angry golden aura flickered around Sadie's head-a halo of hieroglyphs that resembled frowns, fists, and dead stick men.

"As of this moment," Sadie growled, "My brother's name is Punching Bag."

~ The Staff of Serapis


End file.
